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FYI  May 8, 2002

What’s Sexy Now: Oral Sex on the School Bus

The Big O pulled out all the stops yesterday. She and Dr. Phil hit the subject of teen sexuality head-on. Sending underage children out to play, Oprah warned listeners that she would use graphic, explicit language – and she did.

The masterful Dr. Phil didn’t win the day, and the Big O knew it. Yes, the audience cheered and mothers felt better, as Dr. Phil admonished young people to respect themselves by not engaging in oral sex in our What’s Sexy Now world.

The kids won.

In the Big O’s words: "The most important thing that I heard is that ‘a good night kiss is a bigger deal than oral sex.’"

The issue isn’t that we’ve moved from 1960’s petting to recreational sex among 13 year-olds. The change is that these very normal young teens, with concerned mothers, looked Dr. Phil eyeball to eyeball and said: "Sucking a boy’s penis isn’t sex."

Sorry readers, but those were the words. And Dr. Phil shot back to young women: "If you think that getting down on your knees in a urine-splattered bathroom and sucking a guy’s penis isn’t sex, you’re dead wrong. It’s degrading and humiliating."

Yes, some of the kids said the "right thing" by show’s end. And some of the girls were actually surprised when the boys said that they wouldn’t introduce them to their mothers. Bottom line though, the kids won. Eyeball to eyeball, they reflected the culture around them and stood their ground. Sex sells and the kids are consumers.

It’s as simple as that.

I made a Lifestyle Presentation in Bentonville last August and covered up the private parts of the naked Abercrombie kids at the request of then VP of Sam’s Club Marketing Rhonda Harper. Last week, I apologized to my corporate audience before showing Irving Penn’s exquisite nudes of large-size women as part of a Design Presentation. I offered viewers the option of closing their eyes in sync with the music.

Why, I’m not sure, because we’re the adults.

I encourage all of you to visit Oprah’s website and listen to yesterday’s show online. You will need Real Player or Flash. I’m really not on a mission here, but in our new Truth Serum world, I will connect the dots for you.

To Oprah


Does parental responsibility have limits?

The Christian Science Monitor cites an attitude of entitlement among today’s tweens, a situation that creates a financial bonanza for marketers. "With more parents working, and their schedules stretched thin, guilt has settled over American households."

I’ve heard this argument before, right after reading that Boomer parents have become more strict than their own – simply because they’re much wiser to the choices confronting their children.

Video game manufacturer’s argue that parental authority is sufficient to control a child’s exposure to Disney Effect sex and violent content. California congressman Joe Baca wants to make it a federal crime to rent or sell video games showing violence, prostitution and drug use to anyone under the age of 17, without parental consent. 21 other members of Congress have signed on to bill H.R.4645.

The power of persuasion

At the heart of the argument is a growing body of evidence, not around connections between video game violence and real life. Over 1000 studies cite a solid connection. Many hundreds less reject the connection, according to an earlier FYI article.

This week’s Economist looks at a new approach to persuasion – "one that works on removing people’s inhibitions, or lowering their resistance." This is a must-read article for marketers – and mothers, too. As the Economist points out, in this new Truth Serum world, we’ll all be hipper to the real dynamic between the advertiser/marketer and consumer. No one is saying that consumers won’t be active participants. We’ll just be smarter about the dynamic.

Just Say No!

Abstinence is at the forefront of the Bush Administration argument that teens, especially teen girls, can standup to the "powers of persuasion that work on removing people’s inhibitions, or lowering their resistance" when it comes to sexual matters. I agree with the abstinence challenge.

But saying "no" is complicated, as the NYTimes pointed out in this morning’s editorial, criticising our UN-related move to limit access to sex education and reproductive health services. None means "nothing", including in those countries where virgins are routinely pressured into active sexual service because they are AIDS free.

MSNBC points out that "saying no" is a big problem in parts of What’s Sexy Now Europe, where thousands of women are routinely sold or kidnapped into sexual slavery. The MSNBC online series is excellent, hard-hitting investigative journalism, representing months of clandestine interviews and intense research.

Somebody needs to hear you say "No."

I reject stereotypes of all kinds, but I will tell you that I’ve had more than one Just Say No experience in life. The MSNBC article reminded me of the time I rejected the adamant and almost hostile advances of a Slavic man at Maxwell’s Plum in New York. He became so angry when I Just Said No that he yanked me off my chair. Not wanting to cause a scene in such a then-hip and happening place as Maxwell’s Plum, I went outside onto the sidewalk and told him to stop cursing at me.

Not liking the word No, this man took a swing at me, right in front of Maxwell’s Plum. Thank goodness I had one of those cute 70s Gucci-style handbags with the wooden handle. When the blow struck, he cut clean through the wooden handle, and only cracked my ribs, rather than breaking them. Two men from IBM rushed out onto the street, got him off me and took me to New York Hospital. Bottom line: I believe MSNBC

If you feel that you need a stiff dose of Purification at this moment, you may be relieved to hear that the Bush administration will announce today new guidelines for same-sex schooling, taking another look at Title IX that bans gender discrimination.

The Third Way

Just in case we think that same-sex anything is the panacea for what concerns us, remember that increases in binge-drinking are highest at all-girls colleges. However, I believe that the notion of gender-based Separate But Equal will emerge as a serious alternative, not just in schooling, but in the workplace. This "solution" is close to declaring itself the eighth big-picture Leading Indicators trend.

Separate But Equal is pragmatic in a society not know for its pragmatism. Take our choice of marital partners. The Rutgers Marriage Project documents the fact that today’s singles are searching for soul mates. Psychology Today reminds us that "a few crucial compatibilities make the difference between making up and breaking up." But America is a "love culture", and we believe that passion is our truest guide – which is why Just Saying No is such a challenge.

Rather than being clueless in how best to choose a life partner, help is on the way. Tests, workbooks and counselling may help in reducing the end of 55% of all first American marriages.

Goodbye Mayberry Moms

Reuters reported that yesterday’s AFL-CIO "Ask a Working Woman Survey 2002" found that 66 percent of working moms work 40 or more hours per week, compared with 60 percent of women without children.

More than one out of four working mothers works nights or weekends and two out of five working mothers work different schedules than their husbands or partner. Overall, 63 percent of women work 40 or more hours per week - a slight increase from 60 percent in the 2000 AAWW survey.

I haven’t had time to read the survey, but you can download it with me by following the link to the AFL-CIO site.

Longer Hours and Declining Day Care: A Winning Combination

Working Mother calls overall child-care quality in America Unacceptable, and warns us that the situation won’t improve in our current economy and renewed emphasis on defense spending.

And Mom, while you’re digesting the Truth Serum facts on daycare in America, read the new CNN study that bolsters a six-point link between nine months of breast-feeding and improved IQ in children. Of course, this study was done in Scandinavia, where excellent daycare and mother-support is a given. Did you know that fully 50% (in round numbers) of the legislative seats in Scandinavia are held by women?

Now for some good news

Go Meg! I bought my new 12-month-old Powerbook on e-Bay, and it was a hoot. I visited the new Prada store on Broadway last winter, and was bidding on e-Bay via cell phone at the same time. Everything went splendidly. The laptop is perfect and the price superb.

In another twist of the Design Democracy trend, Meg ponders how high eBay can go. The NYTimes asks the ultimate question: "just how much business can truly be done by people in attics and garages?" I say "big money".

Raj Mahal is Sexy Now

India is hot! The Times calls it Bollywood Chic or Kitsch with a Niche. And what is very sexy is the newly released Kamasutra, rewritten from a woman’s point of view. I think we can use some ancient Hindu inspiration this week.

Depression Can Be Good

Lastly, I have good news and bad news – or is it bad news and good news? I’m not sure. The Truth Serum news about prescription drugs for depression, which we women take in megadoses in pursuit of a Disney Effect existence, is that they really work – as well as sugar pills. Yes, maam, according to the Washington Post: "After thousands of studies, hundreds of millions of prescriptions and tens of billions of dollars in sales, two things are certain about pills that treat depression: Antidepressants like Prozac, Paxil and Zoloft work. And so do sugar pills."

Okay, but depending on how you look at it, depression can be goodl Mildly depressed women are living longer. CNN reports that we are talking about mildly-depressed women. Seriously depressed women have increased mortality rates. So if, you can just stay mildly depressed, after reading this week’s FYI, you’ll be fine.

To insure this, I’ve spared you Warren Buffett’s weekend Truth Serum report to stockholders that a nuclear bomb or severe biological attack against New York or Washington is a virtual certainty – could be 10 minutes or 10 years but it will happen absolutely. That the quintessential Goodbye Mayberry event.

As for me, I’m over it. No Prozac for me. I’m going shopping!

Linda Enke, FYI

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Christian Science Monitor
Family, Parents' guilt+kids' costly ways+big allowances 5-6-02
With more parents working, and their schedules stretched thin, guilt has settled over American households, and the fallout is a financial bonanza for tweens. Today's tweens were raised on the mantra of parent-child communication and media images of youth consumerism – which stoke a thriving sense of entitlement, say experts. It's a demographic primed to ask for more."

CNN
'Declaring 'Warcraft' on sales to kids 5-7-02

A California congressman wants to make it a federal crime to rent or sell video games showing violence, prostitution and drug use to anyone under the age of 17 without parental consent.

Economist
Persuasion 5-02-02

Your correspondent was not sure whether to write this piece. But Eric Knowles, a professor of social psychology at the University of Arkansas, was very convincing. He said that he had experimental evidence to support a new approach to persuasion—one that works on removing people's inhibitions, or lowering their resistance.

NYTimes Editorial
Young Women At Risk 5-8-02

United Nations special sessions may not cure the ills they address, but they should at least not push the world backward. The session on children that opens today threatens to do that because the Bush administration wants to limit the access of teenage girls to sex education and reproductive health services, even though they are at special risk of contracting AIDS. The administration prefers a standard that emphasizes abstinence, which has not proved effective in the United States at delaying sexual activity.

MSNBC
Sex Slaves in Europe 5-7-02

Olga winced as she drew back the bandage on her right breast, revealing an infected puncture wound that hadn’t healed since a man bit her in a fit of sexual rage. But the wound, for which the 19-year-old Moldovan lacked even basic medicine, is only a small part of Olga’s daily agony. For more than a year she has been held as a sex slave in this town in western Macedonia, where human trafficking flourishes and young girls are forced to endure the sexual whims of thousands of men.

Christian Science Monitor
Feds Boost Same-Sex Schooling 5-8-02

For 30 years, any attempts to teach boys and girls separately in public schools have been shadowed –- and in many cases blocked – by Title IX, the federal mandate that bans gender discrimination.

Psychology Today
Love Is Not All You Need 6-02

The experience of love is unique for every person, and using that feeling to measure the potential success of a relationship is even more subjective. Nonetheless, at some point most of us face the timeless question of what makes a relationship work. Though we can’t quantify love, we can look at variables that help us choose the right partner. Research shows that a few crucial compatibilities make the difference between making up and breaking up. We are a love culture. Unlike some societies that think of passionate love as a nuisance that can undermine sound reasoning about whom and when to marry, we think passion is our truest guide.

Christian Science Monitor
Finding the Path to a Lasting Relationship 5-08-02
In homes across America – indeed, around the globe – couples are splitting up. The data on divorce tell all: 55 percent of all first marriages in the US end in separation or divorce, 65 percent of second marriages do, 75 percent of third, and so on. So Elizabeth Taylor, while perhaps the world's most famous divorcée, is in pretty good company.

It all comes down to ignorance; people have never been taught how to intelligently choose a life partner. It's probably the most significant decision of their lives, and they are essentially clueless.

AFL-CIO
Ask a Working Woman Survey 5-7-02

On this Mother's Day, the 2002 "Ask A Working Woman" (AAWW) survey has found that 66 percent of working moms work 40 or more hours per week compared with 60 percent of women without children.

More than one out of four working mothers works nights or weekends and two out of five working mothers work different schedules than their husbands or partner. Overall, 63 percent of women work 40 or more hours per week - a slight increase from 60 percent in the 2000 AAWW survey.

Working Mother
Overall Child-care Quality: Unacceptable 5-05-02

Despite political rhetoric emphasizing the importance of America’s children and families, the quality of child care remains drastically uneven across the country, with many youngsters attending poor to mediocre centers that are understaffed, underregulated, and costly. And it’s unlikely that parents will see large-scale improvements soon: The slowing of the economy and a renewed emphasis on defense spending have once again put expanded child-care funding initiatives on the back burner.

CNN
Study bolsters link between breast-feeding, intelligence 5-7-02

In their study of 3,253 Danish men and women, the more babies were breast-fed through nine months of age, the higher they scored on intelligence tests in their late teens and 20s. Breast-feeding past nine months had no additional effect on scores.

Those who had been breast-fed for seven to nine months scored an average of about six points higher on IQ tests than those whose mothers said they nursed for less than one month.

NYTimes
Meg Whitman and eBay, Net Survivors 5-5-02
During the Internet boom, the precise and low-key Ms. Whitman was upstaged by flamboyant technologists and entrepreneurial visionaries in other companies. But eBay's diverse and ornery community of buyers and sellers provided all the color the company needed, as well as its engine of growth and the source of the auction fees that made it profitable from the start. As it turned out, what eBay — like a lot of dot-coms — needed most was the sort of disciplined management practiced by Ms. Whitman, now 45. She steered clear of many seemingly lucrative opportunities, and instead kept eBay focused on nurturing its trading community, expanding its ranks and the scope of goods it deals in.

So as eBay ponders how high it can go, the ultimate question is just how much business can truly be done by people in attics and garages.


NYTimes
Kitsch with a Niche: Bollywood Chic Finds a Home 5-05-02

Since the 1960's, India's chief cultural export has been spiritualism, embodied in a pantheon of leaders from Maharishi Mahesh Yogi to Gurumayi and Deepak Chopra. Today, the exports are more showily crowd-pleasing, arriving in the form of film-inspired fashions, home décor and foods. Once such goods were marketed mainly to Indian-Americans, whose numbers have more than doubled since 1990, to almost 1.7 million. Now they are finding an avid non-Indian audience. Style-struck New Yorkers are embracing Bollywood style, which they once might have dismissed as kitsch.

NYTimes
A new Kama Sutra Without Victorian Veils 5-4-02
Generations of readers have pored over the Kama Sutra, the ancient Hindu text of erotic love, scanning it, sometimes furtively, for descriptions of exotic sexual practices. But now a new translation offers a radically different view of the famous sex manual, and argues that the most widely read English version is riddled with errors and plays down the role of women.

Washington Post
Against Depression, a Sugar Pill Is Hard to Beat 5-7-02

After thousands of studies, hundreds of millions of prescriptions and tens of billions of dollars in sales, two things are certain about pills that treat depression: Antidepressants like Prozac, Paxil and Zoloft work. And so do sugar pills.

CNN
Study finds mildly depressed women live longer 5-1-02

Mildly depressed older women tend to live longer than those who are not depressed at all, a surprising new study suggests.
The findings are contrary to most other studies on the link between depression and mortality. Those studies have generally shown that depression increases the likelihood of death within a certain time period.


 
Books

Best Friends, Worst Enemies: Understanding the Social Lives of Children

The Birth of Pleasure

Creating a Life: Professional Women and the Quest for Children

The Healthy Kitchen: Recipes for a Better Body, Life,

Get with the Program!

Living and Eating

Our Posthuman future: Consequences of the Biotechnology Revolution

Leading Quietly

Primal Leadership: Realizing the Power of Emotional Intelligence

A New Brand World: Eight Principles for Achieving Brand Leadership in the Twenty-First Century

The Cabin

Satisfaction: The Art of the Female Orgasm

 

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